Mommy Disclosures…

I didn’t breastfeed…

I forget to brush my son’s teeth…

“Hard Hat Harry” is a great babysitter for at least 27 minutes…

Sometimes, all my son eats for dinner is crunchies and fruit snacks…

My son drinks his bath water, and I let him…

Yes, these are confessions from this one whimsy housewife.  Why do I feel guilty about these things?  Why do I have a hard time typing these words?  I wish I could put an end to the “mommy guilt”.

Being a parent is the hardest, most frustrating, want-to-run-screaming-from-the-house-and-never-look-back job in the world.  It’s also the most rewarding thing I have ever attempted.

So what, if the dishes didn’t get done last night…or the night before.  So what, if I live out of a laundry basket.  So what, if my floors haven’t been swept in a week…or two.  My family still loves me.  Even if the house is dirty, the laundry never gets put up, or dinner is from a sack.  Let’s cut ourselves some slack and laugh a little bit about this crazy ride!

When I start to feel my conscience creep in and tell me, “you’re a bad mommy”, I just head over to Scary Mommy Confessions to make myself feel better.  This site is quite amusing and a relief to know that there are other moms out there who do the things we do.

Here are few of my favorite confessions:

  1. “I put salt in my coffee this morning.  My hair is unwashed.  I haven’t slept in 2 years.  I regularly injure myself on small plastic objects.  I envy my pets’ daily routine.  I depend on caffeine and sesame street.  I. Am.  Mom.”
  2. “Bent over to pick up a toy and let out a fart.  2 year old son came up behind me, sniffed my butt, then felt it and said, ‘Nope, no poopies.’  Is this what a diaper check feels like? I feel so violated.”
  3. “I would support the school fundraisers if they sold liquor…keep your candles, candy and wrapping paper to yourselves please.”
  4. “I put 20 boxes of condoms on my baby shower registry.  No one found it as funny as I did.”
  5. “I used bandaids to cover my nipples when I weaned my children.  See?  All gone.”
  6. “I asked a coworker with a child the same age as mine about Chef Boyardee she said ‘my child doesn’t get that because I’m a responsible parent’.  I wanted to punch her in the neck.”
  7. “I sometimes crush up Midol and put it in my husband’s food–it makes him sooooo much easier to deal with.”
  8. “Omg, just read this post on a FB friends status…..’up at 3:45am, P90x workout, laundry and punched in early at work, it’s gonna be a great day’……Can I please puke now??”
  9. “I’m roaming the grocery store aisles, coffee in hand, no children in sight.  Sadly, this is the best Saturday night I can remember.”
  10. “I’m letting my kids stay up late because I’ve not finished my beer.”
  11. “I invited you into my home as a guest.  And you brought my 2 year old permanent markers and Play Doh.  Next time I visit you, I’m bringing your teenage daughter condoms and crack.”
  12. “Just finished making the homemade spaghetti sauce for dinner.  It’s the only way my hubby will eat it because he’s that picky.  The Ragu bottle is in the trash wrapped in a plastic bag under old leftovers.”
  13. “3.5 yo proudly announced that he pooped on the potty & wiped his own butt.  When I told him he needed to wash his hands he said, ‘I already did.  In the potty.'”
  14. “Ever since I first got pregnant 12 years ago, I have suffered HORRIBLE migraines that force me to sit in a pitch black room alone for hours.  (At least that’s what I tell everyone)  Evil?  Maybe, but I’ll take it to be alone.”
  15. “I am beyond happy to be back at work after 12 weeks of maternity leave.   Being a SAHM?  Not for me…”

What’s your mommy confession?

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6 Comments on “Mommy Disclosures…”

  1. Meredith says:

    I love love love your confessions. Made me LOL and feel a ton more normal, so if that was your mission (always is mine!), you’ve had an amazing day! Thank you, thank you. Also loved the graphics and pinned immediately…Awesome!


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